I’m not pregnant… but I’m a certified babysitter!

The last time I held a baby was in fifth grade.

She was a 5-pound sack of Dixie Crystal sugar I dressed in teddy bear clothes and named Julie Kaye. My class was reading “Our Sixth-Grade Sugar Babies” by Eve Bunting and we each had to pretend like we were parents for a week, by carrying around a bag of sweetener. Turns out, when it comes to fake babies that don’t squirm, cry or squirt, my maternal instincts get an “A.” Ask me to take care of one of those real thumbsuckers, though, and I’m the one curled up in the fetal position.

That’s why I signed up for the Babysitter’s Training class put on by the Palmetto Chapter of the American Red Cross last Saturday. With four pregnant best friends and a nephew due to arrive in November, I decided it was high time this 25-year-old face her fear of baby holding, diaper changing and “Here comes the airplane!” feeding sessions.

It’s not that I don’t like kids. I’m just terrified of them. Despite being the youngest and only girl of three children in the family, I didn’t spend my summers making extra cash watching the neighbors’ rugrats. And I never read a single sentence out of Ann Martin’s popular “Babysitters Club” book series, because the Young Indiana Jones adventure novels were what lined my shelves. The Red Cross class promised to increase my competence and confidence when it comes to basic child care and safety, so I was willing to swallow the dose of humility that came with sharing a detailed syllabus with a group of 11- and 12-year-olds for whom the course is actually designed.

Yes, we learned how to create a safe environment for responsible play. And — using mini-mannequins with breathing tubes and necks that boogied like the real thing — we familiarized ourselves with CPR, burping and cradling. But what this adult never anticipated taking from a seven-hour certification course on babysitting basics were the kind of life lessons that apply to those young enough to wear diapers to those old enough to wear Depends — and, really, every age in between.

Check out these handy reminders from Liz Fry, a registered nurse, my American Red Cross instructor and the only person in the room besides me that day who wouldn’t giggle about the thought of where babies come from:

• “We all have to start somewhere. You don’t have to be a rocket scientist.”

Even though my lack of babysitting experience made for an awkward exchange during the team resume writing portion of the day, being aware of your weaknesses can and should be considered a strength. Know your limits, but don’t dwell on them. Consider them challenges and opportunities to learn something new — like cooking… or how to change a diaper without gagging.

• “Sometimes there’s a reason behind why they’re not doing what they’re supposed to be doing.”

And the best way to address this — with children, spouses, friends and family — is to not lose your cool and communicate. Taking the time to listen, instead of assume, can make a whole conversation, day and
relationship’s difference. The Babysitter’s Training manual suggests using the FIND decision-making model to work through some of life’s more annoying mysteries: Figure out the problem. Identify possible solutions. Name pros and cons for each solution. Decide which solution is best.

• “Don’t be afraid to ask questions.”

Even though we know that no one has all the answers, sometimes we’d like to fool ourselves into believing that we do. It’s better to be curious and show you have a willingness to learn than wait a decade and end up being the only adult in a Red Cross babysitting class. The more you know about a person and situation, the better prepared you’ll be to respond.

• “Sometimes you just have to do your best and make sure no one’s getting hurt.”

And that’s not making light of the situation. As my 12-year-old classmate so aptly put it, “Taking care of other people’s kids is a big responsibility. If they get hurt, it’s pretty much your fault.” Just remember that you can understand the weight of the task you’re taking on without letting the fear of it paralyze you. So many elements of life are beyond our control, but rewards don’t come without taking risks. Stay calm, and be prepared to rise to the occasion.

I can’t say that I’m not still nervous about holding my nephew for the first time this winter, but I’m certain the moment will be sweeter than any 5-pound sack of sugar I’ve ever dressed up. And after being reminded of the strength and patience it takes to care for a child for just one day, much less a lifetime, I’ve no doubt the hand that rocks the cradle is the hand that should rule the world — even if it’s smaller than mine.